Julia Fourie | Life Coach Cape Town

Life Coaching Tip: When Is Enough Enough?

Julia Fourie, Life Coach, Cape Town

April 10 2018
As a Life Coach I have found that there are fundamental questions that we all ponder on. One particular constant struggle that comes to mind is how to know when to continue engaging or to turn your energy to something else and how this impacts how you show up in the world, how you see the world and how you relate and what you expect from others. Lets explore this fundamental question on “How to know when to stay or go”? I recently came across this Nigerian proverb that could start a conversation on this topic.

When the roots of a tree begin to decay, it spreads death to the branches.

Have you heard the saying “analysis paralysis”? Its when you start to over analyse something to the point where you are unable to act. Said differently too much information can make you dumb 😉

So, how does one go about finding the right moment to walk away from something? There are so many conflicting arguments, things like:

1. If I walk away am I weak, a quitter? Did they get the better of me?

2. If I stay do I like being a victim, am I weak?

3. If I stay could it help me learn to be stronger in the long run?

4. How strong do I need to be? When have I gained enough strength from this challenge?

5. What is my responsibility in fixing the situation before I leave?

6. What about the people I leave behind?

7. What does it say about me if I walk away?

8. Does it matter what it says or who “wins”?

9. How much uncomfortableness do I need in my life? Do I need any?

10. What am I missing out on by trying to avoid everything that is difficult?

11. What am I missing out on by trying to deal with everything that is difficult?

If for a moment you tried to answer just some of these questions above, perhaps you will start to see the conflict and pull that you can experience in trying to figure out what to do.

For those of us that have a further desire for perfection, getting things right – the deeper this need the more difficult the decision above becomes. Why? Because there is no one answer, no one path.

It simply and complicatedly (yes I meant to write it like this!) depends on you, what you want, the context, the intent and the impact of your actions or inactions and a myriad of other factors. The richness of these factors allows for an infinite number of different solutions and the death to any possible rulebook or cheat sheet.

So instead of a cheat sheet, how about trying this out:

1. List as many conflicting thoughts / questions you have, till there is nothing more.

2. Read through them and write any more you have.

3. Read through them again and highlight the top 3 that you are drawn to and the top that make you uncomfortable.

4. Reflect on what pattern you see in these.

5. Now take a couple of breathes and let go the need of finding the perfect truth and moment. Take what you know now, what you have just written and answer “What path will take me closest to what I want to experience”?

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